Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Appendix for In Mars We Trust - X

As promised in the Mars - X, here are the conversations I mentioned as proof. Trust me when I say that each one is a genuine extract from a real conversation. In some, I have actually toned down the idiocy out of deference for the fact that the persons or their friends may read the same and take offence. None is intended of course. These are posted purely for entertainment value and to mock the intelligence or lack thereof of the assorted women that have earned an honourable mention in this post :D.

By the way, as evidenced in the comments to Mars - X, a number of people did not really think those conversations could possibly be real. trust me, they are. I swear...no kidding!!!

X: I’m really depressed *sniff*
Me: But why?
X: Well, I just spoke to my ex and he’s getting married…
Me: OK, but I thought you hate his guts, so why be depressed?
X: Look, we just broke up two years ago and if he’s getting married that means he moved on pretty fast…he’s known this girl now for almost a year and a half!
Me: OK, but then, you’re getting engaged too!
X: Yeah, but well, I was single for so long after we broke up!
Me: Hmm…well, what about those three guys you were seeing in between?
X: They weren’t serious…I mean, they didn’t get anywhere!!!
Me: *Sigh* OK…whatever…

Me: You know N, it’s weird but she seems jealous about K seeing other women!
N: Yeah, that’s so natural!
Me: Eh? But she’s got a boyfriend…what’s she got to be jealous of?
N: Look, he liked her and that made her feel good. Now, with us women, even if we don’t like a guy, it makes us feel good to know that he likes us. So, we’re pissed off if he moves on and starts liking another woman!
Me: That’s so damn b*tchy!!!
N: Hey! Mind you language ok? It’s perfectly normal behaviour!
Me: What crap! If I knew a woman I didn’t like, liked me, I’d be praying for her to move on!
N: That’s because men are stupid…
*Sigh*

D: Hey you bas*ard!
Me: Hi b*tch!
D: What the f***? Stop calling me that! How dare you!!!
Me: Err…you called me a bas*ard!
D: Yeah! That’s because you’ve not called me for so long!
Me: Err…by that same token, you’ve not called me either! And you’ve not even replied to my messages!
D: Arre, what message and all? You should have called. You’re such a bas*ard!
Me: Umm…do you realize that I am the one that has called even now?
D: So? You’re still a bas*ard and don’t give me logic and all that crap now…
*Ho-hum*

A: OK, so you come to my place and pick me up.
Me: Excuse me? I’m the visitor to Delhi…so how about you picking me up? You’ve got the car after all!
A: No! You’re too far off! Tell you what…come to some place close to my place!
Me: Err…do you realize that it will be tougher for me to travel in an alien city without my own car? How about meeting somewhere in between…like Connaught Place?
A: No! Connaught Place…umm…I don’t know the way to that place!
Me: What? You’ve been living here for 6 damn years!
A: So? I still don’t know the way…
Me: OK, so do one thing…see…in Delhi all roads lead to CP, so just keep going on the widest road at every turn and you’ll get there!
A: Nooooo! There are too many roads in Delhi that go to CP. I’ll get lost!
Me: Excuse me? If they all go to CP and you’re going to CP, how in f***’s name can you get lost?
A: No! I’ll tell you what to do…you come over to my place and then drive me to CP…
*Yes, I get the point…*

Me (after an hour’s explanation): So you see, the Congress is really the worst party of them all to vote for!
V: Hmm…well…hmm…
Me: What? You can’t fault my logic, can you? If you can, tell me!
V: No, you’re right! But still, I still can’t think of not voting for them!
Me: Eh? Doesn’t that prove that your logic is flawed or else non-existent?
V: Yeah! But still, so what? Voting is not about logic!!! It’s about…it’s about…emotion!
*QED*

Me: Hey! How you doing?
C: Hey! You back in Bombay?
Me: Yeah! I’m here for a month or so…
C: Hey cool! Let’s meet up! How about tomorrow?
Me: Umm…not possible tomorrow…have some family function to attend.
C: Oh! OK, day after then? That should be fine huh?
Me: Cool, no problem…let me know where then.
C: Sure. I’m in Daman right now. I get back next week…we’ll fix up then, ok?
Me: Oh-ah…sure…yeah…for day after tomorrow…awesome…fine…buh-bye!
*D-uh*

S: Hey! I need some help from you.
Me: Sure, fire away. What’s it about?
S: Well, it’s about that form I have to fill.
Me: Cool! Need help about what to write or something?
S: No, I know what I should write and all that, but needed to ask you one thing.
Me: OK. What is it?
S: Well, I know what to write and all that…but what exactly is a statement of purpose? As in, what should I write for why I want to do this?
Me: Eh? How in Hell am I expected to know your reasoning process?
S: Well, you can help me understand what I should write…

Similar conversation on a different instance with a different woman:

X: Hey Mike, I need your help for this thingy I did...
Me: Cool. Temme...
X: Well, I need to write what I did in the project.
Me: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
X: Well, see, I need to write what I did...so I thought I'd ask you what I shold write...
*Let's see now...'Whose Project is it Anyway?'*

*Sigh* Women…

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank You. After reading all of your post in this series, I feel refreshed, energised and revitalized.

Hex said...

good ones, Mike....can't wait for ur autobiography ;-))...Cheers!

Soul Less Curry said...

Though I've lived a life comprising all of 20 yrs(& some months :D),I've known enough women to say that this post of yours however funny n interesting it might be..reflect only two things apart from your rhetoric(yet fun :p)sense of humour n that's either your life is fateful enough to be surrounded by ONLY this kind of female species that is not found in any other part of this world (Read that you didn't have the chance to meet the evolved ones or the brains to recognise them..:p) or it's that only dumm girls talk to you..(Read that maybe intelligent ones don't consider you worthy enough to share a piece of their mind with you :p :p :p)

Jokes apart..great blog..one of the best i've come across(So what if I've read only 3 blogs so far :p)